Witty Quotes
- “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
- “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
- “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
- “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt
- “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
- “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West
- “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
- “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
- “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Willie Nelson
- “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
- “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
- “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner
