Funny Quotes
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Steven Wright
- “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
- “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
- “I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.” – Unknown
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
- “I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
- “The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett
- “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
- “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” – Albert Einstein
- “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.” – Steven Wright
- “Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.” – Unknown
- “I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown
- “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” – Henny Youngman
- “Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
